and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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