I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
