Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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