Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
