How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
