Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
