I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
