Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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