I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
