Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
