I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
