When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
