I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
