you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
