So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
