I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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