VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize