please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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