Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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