My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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