I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
