oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize