i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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