At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
