I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
