omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My pussy is not your playground.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
