my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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