oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
