Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
