Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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