moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
