I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
