K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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