the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize