I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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