got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize