You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm like, not good at living.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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