I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
