i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
