I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
