Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
