I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
