Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize