So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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