I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
