I cannot find my penis.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
