I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We were destined to go to rehab together
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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