We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
