I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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