does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
