my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
