i may or may not be watching the land before time
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
this is an emotional support booty call
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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