You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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