You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize