He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
