You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Someone signed my nipple.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
