In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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