i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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