Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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