Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
