I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
