On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
