You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize