I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
