apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
