K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize