I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
