There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
