I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
