i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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