I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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