Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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