I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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