I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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