Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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