I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
