remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
