1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
