I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Green mimosas i think yes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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