Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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