I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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