i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
