fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
