Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
