Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
