I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Small penises have feelings too.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
