Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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