Need sex. Gaining weight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize