There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
