Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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