everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So vagazzling was a success
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
