Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
