Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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