I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
