This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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