we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
