New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize