dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
