I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
