Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize