just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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