worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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